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Mother in Law Not Helping with Baby

Being a good mother-in-law is one of the most important roles in a healthy family dynamic. To be a good grandmother one day, you should first learn how to become a good mother-in-law, as this relationship can set the tone for your role as a grandmother. I remember my own mom once complained about the complication of today`s car seats and complained that we all agreed with the plastic bins that were the safety standard for cars in the 80s. “But how do you know we`re okay?” One day, I asked him, “Have we ever been in a car accident?” You will be more successful if you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your NDE. Ultimately, while the first few weeks and months with a new baby can be particularly stressful, your NDE will be there in the long run and you`ll be grateful for that help. Parenting coach Sarah Rosensweet says it can be helpful to remember that she`s acting out of love, even if she doesn`t seem warm and fuzzy. “It`s very easy to accept negative intentions,” Rosensweet says. “But if you don`t have evidence to the contrary, assume positive intent.” If your in-laws tell you their plans, the announcement that it won`t work or that it`s too many days is much more likely to be accepted by their son than by you. When they hear it from you, they will think you are trying to keep them away from the baby. If that doesn`t work, you may want to consider changing gears completely. For Ramsay Speers, this meant hiring a caregiver to follow his instructions and allow Nana to be “just Nana” when she visited the children. Keep in mind that your mother-in-law doesn`t have to be exactly like you to be a good grandparent. Exposing your children to a grandmother who has a different parenting style than yours isn`t necessarily harmful, Rosensweet says, adding that children can adapt to different rules and expectations in different environments.

“As long as they`re kind and love your kids, you don`t have to try to get them to be like you,” she says. Choose your battles and roll with the rest. It is normal that when you are a new mom your own mother is there to help you. But perhaps the most important thing mothers-in-law should avoid is handing out thinly veiled praise. If you praise the relaxed attitude of your adult child`s partner, if you really think he is a soft dick, you have to realize that you are not cheating on anyone and, more importantly, that you are harming your relationship with the couple. Parents. (2005) Surviving Your Mother`s First Postpartum Visit. Available from: www.parents.com/baby/new-parent/motherhood/surviving-your-moms-first-postpartum-visit/ [Accessed July 11, 2019] Sometimes it`s best to take a break from your mother-in-law. NewParent. (2018) Dealing with In-Laws. Available from: newparent.com/mom/dealing-with-in-laws [Accessed 11 July 2019] Even the best plans can go wrong, and this is especially true when a crying/teething/sleep-struggling baby is thrown into the mix. Katherine Irving of Toronto was in the middle of a month-long visit from her partner`s mother, who was caring for her second colicky baby, when her NDE yelled at her one night to stop doing what she was doing, fearing she would hurt the boy.

(Irving, a masseur by training, had ridden a bike on his legs to help relieve gas.) The prosecution landed as a slap in the face to Irving. She suppressed her impulse to explode, but still had an open conversation with her NDE about how the tone, comments, and questions felt. It was something she hadn`t done in the past without her husband`s presence, but she felt she couldn`t wait. The result was a good discussion in which everyone shared their views. After that, the air was clear. Of course, you are grateful for the generosity, so thank them kindly. Register an outfit. Take a picture in it. Let the baby carry it when he comes to visit. Return or give the deductible. Find a way to bring what you really need into a conversation. Perhaps one of the most important qualities a mother-in-law must show is respect.

Being respectful of the couple`s time and relationship creates a sense of trust. It also indicates that you value and prioritize their needs as a family unit and are willing to respect their boundaries. In return, we hope they will also respect your limits. If your in-laws provide you with regular child care, you may need to accept that they – like you – do the things that allow them to spend a long day with a newborn or toddler. In this blog post, we will discuss some strategies for dealing with an insistent mother-in-law and a new baby. If your mother-in-law pushes too hard, try spending time alone with her. A popular meme is circulating on the internet with a pregnant woman asking the question: “I`m pregnant and my husband insists that his mother be allowed into the delivery room, but I don`t want that. What must I do? The internet responded with the best (and hilarious) answers, including one like, “Ask your husband to undress in front of your parents and have a bowel movement.” Here`s how to deal with it so you don`t have a complete family loss. You don`t have to do it alone – in fact, your partner should be involved or even have this conversation. But make sure you`re a participant, says Ramsay Speers. “They have the ability to set the tone from the start,” she says.

“Let your mother-in-law know that you can work together to make sure she has a good relationship with her grandchild.” All you can do is communicate your intention that you want your child to have a relationship with her. Encourage your partner to do the same. If you make the effort, she`s the one who chooses not to be involved and miss out on all those new baby hugs. For example, if your mother-in-law wants to hold the baby until he falls asleep or something else that doesn`t permanently disrupt the baby`s (or yours`) routine, leave it. Some disagreements are not worth discussing. Is your NDE driving you to the wall with their advice and unexpected visits? Here`s how to deal with it. If therapy doesn`t work or NDE refuses, you and your partner may consider walking away from the relationship. Explain that you both need to take a break to interact with extended family because you don`t feel respected or supported.

It is preferable (but not necessary) to set the conditions of the break, for example by saying that you will not answer calls from your NDE, nor will you accept visits. You can also negotiate another arrangement, such as staying home while your partner and baby attend the NDE. Healthdirect. (2018) Difficult Conversations with In-Laws. Available at: www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/having-difficult-conversations-with-in-laws [Accessed July 11, 2019] In a now-viral post on Mumsnet, user Mitzymarvel shared his dilemma. With a little girl who is not yet 2 months old, she explained how her mother-in-law “once urged me to commit to a fixed day a week where she can take the baby.” But the mother had doubts about the whole deal, saying, “I know she wants to have a close relationship with her granddaughter, but I just don`t feel comfortable being separated from the baby one whole day a week.” The last thing you need is your partner`s mother to make things worse. Take time for them. It`s important to make time for your in-laws, even if it`s hard to deal with them. Because of this natural competition, it`s not uncommon for mothers-in-law to make advances, implicit criticism, and sneaky compliments without fully realizing what they`re doing. To make things even more complicated, researchers believe that some people are more intuitive and empathetic than others.

Similarly, if you live out of town and come to visit, try not to stay more than a few days unless they specifically ask you to stay longer. Offer help while you`re there, including changing a few diapers and watching the baby while the parents rest. Obviously, the occasional babysitting stint is great. But relying on in-laws for every help, advice, and childcare you need can make them feel like they deserve the right to get involved. Remember that they also need time alone and have the right to say they have other plans (NewParent, 2018).


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